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Cauliflower, don’t waste my time

14 Jan

Today I was reading this this post on the Kitchn, in which a reader asks, “My Cauliflower Pizza Crust Was Awful. Did I Do Something Wrong?” Are you fucking kidding me? What you did wrong was cauliflower and pizza. Does a food site need to spell this out for you? Cauliflower is like the really boring friend I don’t like very much, but I really like her other friends so I just deal with it.

Occasionally I hear people say that cauliflower can actually be very good if you “cook it the right way” or “know what to do with it,” etc., but after I tried cauliflower mashed potatoes after reading things like “Made this tonight and everyone loved it!” (not even close), I felt like people were fucking with me. And doesn’t this sound repulsive, a dish with cauliflower AND raisins? Let’s just add licorice and liver, bake it, and turn it into the worst day of my life.

And in so many recipes people say things like, “You can’t even taste the cauliflower!” Right, but you could not taste cauliflower by not cooking it, too, and eliminate the middle man.

I’m now ready to rumble. Although I have no readers, lol, if anyone has a good cauliflower recipe, now is the time to speak up. Over the next few weeks I’m planning to take the Cauliflower Challenge and try to find something good. Because I love Yotam Ottolenghi, I might just try a CAULIFLOWER CAKE recipe (Do I dare?). Mostly because it seems a lot like a quiche. (Image below from The Kitchn.)

I am very much a fan of Food52’s cookbook Genius Recipes, which includes recipes for cauliflower steaks (nope), whole roasted cauliflower with whipped goat cheese (highly unlikely, since goat cheese is only about 5% of the package deal), and cauliflower soup, and so I think I might start with the soup, which can be easily tossed in the trash if repulsive.

Paul Bertolli's Cauliflower Soup

They write, “Even if you’re not a fan of cauliflower…make an exception for this soup.” Game on. But fool me once….

Well, well, well, look what I just encountered:

http://food52.com/recipes/39639-sheet-pan-lamb-meatballs-with-cauliflower-and-tahini-yogurt-sauce